Dear Mom
Writing has always been an outlet for me. It has been a way I process and express myself with the most clarity. The letter below is to my mother and I wrote it on her birthday, Halloween, just a few days ago. While writing this letter, I began to tear up and those tears turned into sobs. I realized how healing it is to write. To express the depths of your heart. I wanted to share this with you all because my mom is the reason I am here writing this, it is the very reason Shar(e)on Lightly exists. And I hope it helps you or resonates with you in some way. Sending love, always.
Dear Mom,
Today is your 64th birthday. Happy Birthday! I almost started by saying that it “would be” your birthday but that doesn’t feel accurate. Since we have last celebrated in-person, 10 years ago, I have experienced visceral moments where I have felt your presence. So, in ways, I know you are still very much here. I sure do miss seeing you in person though. I can remember on this day how you would dress up in your homemade festive scrubs, covered in jack-o-lanterns, and your Peppy Longstocking headband to go to work. Even the sound of your voice, I can still hear how you always used to say that you were the “treat not the trick”. Those words are saturated with such truth.
I wonder what you would look like now. Ten years older. Would you have more gray in your hair? Or would you still be dying it to cover it up? Would you have a few more wrinkles around your eyes? I truly can’t believe it has been so long since I have seen you in person. There is so much that I want to say and yet the only words that really come are that I miss you and I love you.
You were the treat Mom. Your radiance impacted others. Your laugh was something that automatically spread joy. You were an embodiment of strength that I strive to be. You were my rock. And I wish I could have gotten to actually know YOU more. Growing up, you were an amazing mother and as I get older and the time passes, I wish I would have gotten to know you more as a woman. That has been the hardest part of not having you here physically, of navigating the moments that I will never have with you as a mother and daughter.
After I moved away to college, you always sent me cards and I want you to know how much of a treasure those are to me now. To read your loving words and to be wrapped in the swirl of your “always”. This is my “card” to you, letting you know that we still celebrate you on this day every year. We fill it with things that we know you would enjoy. You still live so much in my heart and, especially on this day, I remember how much of a treat you were to know, how much your love impacted me. Happy birthday mom.
I love you always.
Kellen