The Connection Between Grief and Gratitude

This time of year, with Thanksgiving right around the corner, there is a lot of talk about gratitude and feeling grateful. Cultivating gratitude within ourselves and our lives is a potent healer in times of loss and grief. However, I want to speak to something that may not be often shared. When we experience a great loss in our lives, there is a time when we cannot feel gratitude without feeling the grief. They feel tied together. Bonded by some unknown force.

If you have experienced a loss that shook you, no matter what it was, then you may relate to this. You can feel so grateful for the experience, for the time you had with that person, yet as soon as you feel the gratitude, you find yourself face-to-face with the stark reality of your loss. They are intricately woven together. This holiday season, you may visit with friends and family, and even though you are immensely grateful for those that surround you, you can also be left feeling grief that someone is missing.

In my experience, this can sometimes be overwhelming. Trying to feel gratitude would only lead me to my grief. In a way, this is the healing power of gratitude. It allows you to meet the moment of grief with a tender openness and love. You are met with the realization of how deep of an impact that person or circumstance had on you or your life, and that is the beauty within gratitude. 

And there are times when met with this loss that we aren’t able to lean in as much. This is also okay. This is a part of the process and we must honor the ebbs and flows of our human experience. For the moments I wasn’t able to lean in as much, I developed this practice I call “the good”. In a way it is like a gratitude practice but it is more about orienting to this present moment and what is good, right here, right now. It can be as simple as seeing the sunrise or the full moon shining on the grass. For me, this practice has allowed me to honor my grief but also stay present to the good that still surrounds me. 

So, when gratitude feels like a stretch and it sweeps you up into a wave of grief, find a glimmer of good in the present. Reorient and recalibrate to the life that is here and honor this as well. We are meant to hold the pain and the joy at the same time. You and your tender heart are that strong. 

I send you love and light this holiday season. 

May you honor the grief with a deep reverence and allow the wave to carry you back to the life that is unfolding before you.

And as always, Shar(e)on Lightly.