Letting go & Letting in
I recently read this book called “As Long As You Need” by J.S. Park. He is a chaplain in a hospital and he shares his experiences of seeing and holding grief with others. To hear the stories he shares in the book, filled my eyes with tears, yet filled my heart with hope. The fact that someone can see so much death and stand there to confront the darkness with strangers, allowing them to be exactly as they are within that moment of earth shattering loss, is profound.
At the end of the book he brings up this concept that really resonated with my heart. He said:
“Grief is not letting go. It is letting in. Grief is not moving on. It is moving with.”
What a profound statement. What if we explored the concept of grief being something to let in. To be with. Where grief has a welcomed seat at our table. What if we didn’t have to try so hard to let go but rather just invited more of it in. Instead of pushing ourselves to move on, we move forward WITH the loss.
Grief and loss is a force that cannot be stopped. It is within the resistance of anything that we create more suffering and pain. By deepening our capacity to let in the feelings of loss, we deepen our capacity to be with. They go together. They dance in the beauty of light and dark. For when loss is honored, it is validated. When our feelings are expressed and validated in healthy ways, we deepen our capacity to hold more compassion, more joy, and move forward with a wisdom that only comes from presently sitting with our experience.
I know this may feel similar to what I have written before but I wanted to share the words Park wrote because I feel they hold the key to anyone who may be moving “with” grief. They give permission. They honor what you feel. Because the loss of someone close to you doesn’t just go away, it isn’t something you can just move on from. Give yourself the permission to grieve over and over and over again. This is the process. The beautiful dance between the light and the dark. There is not a right or wrong way to let in and be with your grief. The exploration of our hearts can be a messy process, so bring grace with you and breathe.
And as always, Shar(e)on Lightly.